Family Planning for the LGBTQ+ Community
Planning to start a family as an LGBTQ+ couple or single person has some unique challenges that an intended parent, or parents, must consider. For many in the queer community, we need to plan around how we are going to have children. This means considering the cost, the methods available to us, and understanding the trade-offs of those costs. The options available to queer families to start a family are typically adoption, fertility treatments, or surrogacy.
Let’s define these so we understand what we are referring to:
Adoption: When parent(s) assume legal parentage of a child.
Assisted Reproductive Technology (fertility treatments): Artificial insemination or in vitro fertilization (IVF).
Surrogacy: An arrangement between a person with a uterus and an intended parent or parents to carry a child through pregnancy and birth. Typically, this is accomplished through IVF.
These processes can be complex, take a long time, and cost a lot of money. The cost to start a family via these options ranges from $5,000 (adoption) to $150,000 (surrogacy) and can certainly exceed $150k depending on the situation.
In addition, many deal with a lack of fairness, or outright discrimination, in the system and policies that make the hurdle even higher. For example, certain agencies or areas of the country won’t qualify LGBTQ+ folks for adoption. Fertility treatments are often not covered by insurance unless the person requesting coverage has “tried” to have a child “the natural way” for at least a year. This requirement assumes a person or couple is cisgender male and cisgender female and can meet this requirement.
From there we have to ask, is where you live a safe place to be a queer person or couple with a child(ren)? If not, are you willing to move? These questions lead to discussions around jobs, family support, budget, etc.
Once all of these decisions have been made and a child is adopted or born, we then need to consider legal and estate planning items.
Who will be the legal parents of the child once they are born? How will this be approached if you have a non-traditional relationship structure?
With an adoption, assuming legal parentage of a child is part of the process but this may not be automatically assumed or completed if one partner has a child via artificial insemination or IVF and you are unmarried. 34 states in the US lack clear and direct statute or case law for recognizing non-gestational parentage for couples who are not married.In these cases, queer families will need to decide if they want the non-gestational parent to go through the adoption process to be considered a legal parent to that child.
On the estate planning side, while married queer couples qualify for all the same estate exemptions and rules as married straight couples, unmarried queer folks will not have these same benefits and must be even more proactive in planning for how they want their assets to be distributed when they pass away. This is especially important for queer folks whose biological families do not support their partner(s) and/or sexual orientation. If you pass away without an estate plan, most state laws will default to having assets inherited first by children of the deceased, then parents, and then siblings. If a child is a minor, then the state will determine who that child’s guardian will be. An unmarried partner could unintentionally be disinherited because there was not an appropriate estate plan in place.
You may start to feel discouraged going through the process because of the complexities and challenges. This is where holistic financial planning and a fiduciary advisor comes in. We are there to help you understand the process and move through it with confidence. We help intended parents determine how/if they can afford the process and how it will fit into their financial planning future after their baby arrives.
We will also help you plan for all the different aspects of starting a family. This includes topics like:
Budgeting - where will the money come from?
Work benefits - does your employer offer any sort of assistance?
Tax considerations - what medical or adoption expenses are deductible?
Risk mitigation - what risks should you be aware of?
Legal (with a recommended family law attorney) - how to ensure both/all parents are legally recognized?
Estate planning (with a recommended estate planning attorney) - how to ensure assets are inherited per your wishes?
If you are a part of the LGBTQ+ community or know you may need to pursue alternative family planning and are considering starting a family but aren’t sure where to start, it's highly recommended that you begin working with a professional early to formulate a plan and to help navigate the process.